A Harthal day I would never forget

“So are we opening the branch tomorrow?” I asked my colleague with a gleaming face.

“See! Irinjalakuda is a nice place. Harthal doesn’t affect much here. We can’t keep the branch closed. We will open, and if any party adherents asks us to close, we’ll!” The senior staff member, who was quite friendly with me, replied.

The gleam on my face, faded by degrees… “Okay! I hope no customer walks in tomorrow!” The malayalee inside me hoped against hope.

The next day, shutter of the branch was raised predictably. To my joy, there was no rush when compared with usual days. We colleagues, sat there chatting for an hour till the phone bell rang. Finally the party supporters have asked us to close the branch. We took the day-end reports in a hurry and brought the shutter down.

“Are you happy now?” My colleague asked sarcastically.

I could do nothing but tried controlling my smile.

I called my room-mate who worked in Mathilakam branch. He stayed with me at Kodungalloor. He too was stuck in his branch. I promised him to pick him up and go to our room, which was quite a round-about way. I had no other go. I cruised on my Scooty pep at 40 KMPH. (Yeah that is the average “Cruise” you could cruise on Scooty!). I was enjoying the slow breezy ride as there were no traffic congestions. I left Irinjalakuda town and headed towards Mathilakam. The route was deserted and I found the ride easy. I passed a factory which is famous for manufacture of cattle fodder and then there were fields on both sides of the road. Greenery and greenery!

I saw a couple coming from opposite direction and without any evident problems, the bike toppled. I went near them and helped the husband to stamp his feet. We slowly raised the bike which was over his wife, but we were unable to. We saw that her purdah has rolled into the chain and that was the reason the bike toppled without any reason. I looked around and saw a house, 100 metres away. I ran towards that house and asked house-lady to give a pair of scissors or knife. She gave me both, when I gave a gist of the situation. I ran back and handed it over to the husband. He cut the cloth and looked at me for help. I lifted the bike and she was on her legs. On seeing her, my hands and limbs started trembling. She was a few months pregnant. She was holding her back and crying. I asked that person if I should look for an auto rickshaw. He couldn’t understand the language as he was from Bengal. We both communicated in the Hindi which we knew and could use to communicate for time being. Being it a Harthal day, it was really tough for me finding an auto rickshaw. I was able to convince a driver at his home and brought him to the accident spot. By the time the lady who gave me scissors and knife was also there and asked me to go with them in that vehicle. I went with them, my hands still trembling. We reached “Marina hospital”, where these people regularly went for check-up. The Bengali guy asked me to take relief in the same vehicle which we came. We exchanged contact numbers and I asked to call me in case he needed help. He thanked me with tears in his eyes. I too, could not control my tears. He gave me a warm hug and went inside the hospital.

I never again heard from him, though I expected a call. I too was afraid to call him for the reason that I would hear a bad news. I hope and pray that everything went normal and the happy couple are playing with a 2 year old child right now….

Few issues that came to my mind

In this post, I just like to discuss few random issues which you may find no connection in between. But, I feel that there is a link- Individual, Society, Country and Nation and its development.

1.      One Saturday evening, i.e. on 27/10/2012 to be precise, I was caught in the Kochi traffic. I know that, there is nothing new in knowing the fact that someone is caught in traffic in a city like Kochi on a Saturday evening. But, the reason of the havoc is to be highlighted here. People were forming a human metro (new name for a human chain), well supported by communist party as usual, throughout a stretch of 20 to 30 odd KMs, ample enough to add fuel to the fire. The chain was formed against the delay in starting the mighty ballooned up project of “Komet” or “Kochi Metro”. The reason for delay - DMRC or Delhi Metro Rail Corporation under the leadership of Mr. E Sreedharan, is not being given the “freedom” to undertake the work. The ruling Government pinned the communist party by “alleging the fact” that the current opposition never took steps to start the project even. As usual the great Indian Blame game continues and the citizens stand mere audience.

The real question to be asked is does a person with a credible track record like Mr. E Sreedharan need to stand all these baloney? Man behind re-building Pamban Bridge? Man behind Konkan Railway and Metro Man behind Delhi Metro Rail project? Can’t the project be very well given to the hands of DMRC without raising any eye-brows? I believe-Yes…

I am not sure if Metro really is a solution for the entire traffic block in Kochi, but really hope like many other let it be the completed and become on good solution.

2.      Another problem which I happen to hear was the land acquisition pertaining to High Speed Rail Corridor stretching from Trivandrum till Mangalore. The people were not being given the Market price for the land being acquired. This is really an issue to be thought on. I believe that Market price of a plot/piece of land is calculated by Government based on the transactions happened in that particular area, in past few years plus few other factors like accessibility and so on. So, when someone is shows a depleted value of land on papers for the sake of saving the stamp duty, it is very well affecting the chances of getting more market price of the area when government acquires the land. I don’t know and I am not the right person to say much about the real-estate games being played. But, I really think people need to show right values of land on papers.

3.      Last day I was able to listen to the speech of Mr. K M Mani, Honorable Minister for Finance, Kerala state Government. He was addressing one Bankers’ association meet and was chief guest for the same. He was emphasizing the need for giving more educational loan and not to see the short term losses. But the real issue which I have felt is the fee pattern. A small example may be taken- B.Sc Nursing. When a person or student studying this course takes educational loan, the EMI of repayment to be made monthly comes to Rs.8,000/- (even at reduced interest rates) from the day he/she gets a job. Whereas the person is earning only Rs.6,000/-. How will the person repay the loan after meeting the personal needs and expenses? Either the pay must be increased or fees must be decreased or it is well and good if both are done. Also, the politicians (people like Panchayath members) induce a wrong notion in the borrowers’ mind that for educational loan no interest is to be paid and if they are lucky, government may waive the loans. And, it affects the intention of the borrower to repay the loan. It is true that interest is not to be mandatorily paid for time-being, but at the time of finishing the course or employment, the burden would be really huge.

The education loan, for the bank manager is a double headed sword. If he doesn’t give, the student may attempt suicide and the manager is accused with criminal charges. The reason why he rejected the loan is a secondary issue. If he gave the loan and the repayment is not proper, again the probe from top needs to be answered and follow up needs to be done, ultimately he faces a encirclement from people, just because he asked money the bank lent through him. Isn’t it his duty to do so?

4.    When talking about education, the story of reservation also needs to be addressed. It is really frustrating to know the fact that INDIA IS THE ONLY COUNTRY WITH PEOPLE WHO RACE TO BE BACKWARD”. There were times when Dalits needed reservation so that there life style and standard can be uplifted. But the situation has very much improved. There are equal opportunities for everyone. But, an average student loses his seat or opportunity for better studies to a student with reservation only because he was born in upward community. If you think deep, it is really tough to understand on what criteria, SC/ST, OBC, Minority and general quota is segregated. Still people are striving hard so that their community also should be brought under reservation belt. And as time goes on, 100% of Indian population would crave for reservation. Still, if reservation is mandatory or unavoidable, can’t that be done based on annual family income/IT returns? Again it is sad to see that people manipulate their income certificate just to receive grants from Government bodies.

These are all my opinions alone and may or may not be wrong. I would never claim these to be correct, but people like me would be glad if these issues are well addressed for better nation where our grandchildren would say-“Corruption is a thing which our forefathers used to say about!!!”

JAI HIND!

My Railway Diaries

God! The title really sounds like an auto-biography of a retired railway station master. Hmmm am afraid my age is not equal to a retired station master’s service. Oh k! Don’t start calculating or for the matter of fact guessing my age. I am just giving you a notion that this is not a post of such case!

I have been travelling in train to reach my work-place & back home for past 1.5 years. I would just like to share few incidents those which are in my mind. I know the time-period of 1.5 years is too short to be called “Diaries”. Still… you have to tolerate whatever the author say. I have the liberty to do so! I know you have the liberty to stop reading here! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaase!!!!! Continue reading!!! Am begging!

Thank you for continuing! So where should I start? Hmmm yes! I have mentioned two incidents in a post which I made almost a year before. Let’s start with it. It will help those who have not read that post. Plus I can fill up some space dammit! That is what I used to do for exams!!! Fill up the spaces with bull-shit!

I was inside the train which takes me daily to my work place except Sundays and public holidays by the way. I have a bad habit of reading books in the train. It is a bad habit the reason for which is going to be told right now. Twenty minutes passed by and I lost my concentration on the book hearing a hissssssssssssssss which sounded like rattle snakes which Steve Irwin used to catch hold of in Discovery Channel and Animal Planet. The train had reached Edappilly station and unusually the train was outside the platform. The station has got two platforms and the train was not on the first, nor on the second, not even on those two tracks between these two platforms. It was on a track which was on the backside of second platform. Now only I realised that there was a railway track there and the hissing sound was that of the prairie brushing against the train compartments. If there was a foreigner from that station to board the train, I could have greeted him with-“Namaste! Welcome to India and congratulations for finding out the train. You can now have the value of the ticket you are holding” This station is in middle of city. The train doesn’t run on to right platform plus you have to board the train by finding it out in between the woods. He would never expect a jungle in middle of city.

Everyone was getting fussy about the train halting in middle of forest. By that time I was fussy about the person who was sitting opposite me. It was a girl who was really a bomb shell. This is why I called the book reading habit “BAAAAAAAAAAAD!” But she kept talking to a nerd who was sitting beside her. He was wearing a Soda glass which we mallus fondly call the spectacles with thick glass. I am unaware how it is called in other parts of the world. On seeing his face itself one could plot down his character. He is a person who reads all the gadget widget magazine, whose job when at home is only to sit in front of laptop/desktop, whose friends talk only about giga-hertz mega-hertz 3G loading stuff, one who frequently comments on all latest English release, one who doesn’t enjoy watching a 3D movie but thinks and browses how a 3D movie camera works. He is another moron in the making. They both reminded me of a Tamil flick which got released in 2009. The hero sees the heroine in the train and plays guitar. But the only similarities here were that the instance had a train and there was a couple. The dissimilarities being:-

In movie, the compartment is neat. In real life- The compartment is dirty like hell. In movie, the compartment is sleeper class. In real life- The compartment is general as Indian railways don’t provide sleeper facility in passenger trains. In movie- both hero and heroine balance each other in their looks. In real life- Total injustice!!! In movie it’s night time. In real life it’s day time. In movie-Hero plays guitar and composes beautiful song. In real life- Hero knows how to assemble an electric guitar if you give him a broken one except that it would be difficult for him to position strings at right place. Music is not at all there in his blood.

The conclusion is that she was extremely beautiful girl who looked like a Greek Goddess but was with a scientist looking like a GEEK God!

Again there was a fuss near the bathroom door. The problem was that a man sat on the sack of banana chips and slept off. The owner came to know and checked if the chips remained chips but ultimately it turned out to be fried banana powder. Maybe he should have written “handle with care”. I have now made a decision that I would never ever eat banana chips unless I see it getting fried and packed or it is made at home. I don’t want to eat banana chips powdered and soaked in the water from railway bathroom!

So talking about reading books while travelling in train, it is good that you are not wasting time. Err! Sorry am not wasting time, but in few instances it really is bad. One I was reading a hilarious book-“God save the dork!” you find it hard to put the book down once you start reading it! I was so engrossed that I didn’t see “The Stone Cold Steve Austin” sitting opposite to me. So I was reading this book, and a point before my station, I closed the book and saw this person who was not at all moving (Just like a Stone) and I baptized him the name-Steve Austin. So he was a Stone Called Steve Austin. This person was lacking 2 beer cans which the real Stone Cold would drink before WWE championship matches. I took my Lap-top bag which I use to take to my office and put the book in. Our Steve suddenly got up started staring at me fiercely and folded his arms across his chest. He scared the shit out of me and told-“Ttttttttttttttthhisssssssssssssssssss bbbbbbbbbppppaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag is miiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!” I was like-“God! Shut up dude. This is mine and I took it from the place where I kept it” and slid my hand in. Something slimy touched my hand. I was wondering if he drank that 2 cans of beer and threw up inside the bag! My face was like that of KPAC Sunny in the Malayalam movie-“Naaduvaazhikal”.

For those who have not seen that movie or scene, let me explain. Sunny belongs to villain side, plays a trick to trap the hero-“Arjun” played by Laalettan. The trap was that a packet of gold bars will be hidden in the flush tank of Arjun’s house. Sunny is an income tax officer (or vigilance???) who comes to catch Arjun for keeping gold illegally at his house. But our hero has already known this and has swapped the packet with a packet filled with Dog-shit! Sunny takes the opaque packet and slides his hand in. And rest can be imagined by you!

So I was wondering why he has thrown up inside my bag and took my hand out instantaneously! Thankfully this doesn’t smell shit! But gave a sweet aroma of coconut chutney! Stone Cold Steve Austin and Coconut chutney- a wild combination! It was his bag which looked same as that of mine! I apologised and laughed off that embarrassing situation!

There is a bearded guy whom I meet now and then in the train. This person hails from Thrissur-the cultural capital of Kerala! Never takes bath, and stinks like septic tank! And this person is really proud of the heritage of Thrissur and most often get on my nerves! Plus he looks down on people from other parts of the world! Pretty sarcastic too! Once he irritated me and other fellow passengers with a senseless poem which he sang to the tune of “Why this Kolaveri Di!” Can you imagine it? A big shit in the tune of deep shit! And when asked to stop, he told in a royal way- “This is literature dude! Only people with cultural heritage can understand! Blah blah blah blah!” I blasted him with a few dialogues like- “Yeah I know about the culture of Thrissur people like you! Drinking and dancing to the tune of drums! Is that what you call culture? This is not heritage. This is barbarianism. This is stroppiness!” Wow!  What a relief it gave me! I felt like telling Mammootty’s dialogue from the movie-The King-“This is castration! This is slavery!” (Goosebumps!) I know no one can equal Mammootty in dialogue deliveries like this. But at least in my mind, allow me to be him for a while!

Can you imagine someone with bad voice trying to sing the humming of the song-“Harimuraleeravam”? (Suppose a person like me?) Oh keep imagining! While singing that humming part, what will happen if he is hit hard on his stomach? The same is the problem with one beggar! He keeps making a noise as if he was hit hard while singing! (Sounds like Bbbhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”) There was one faculty from Kerala in our college who once argued that we won’t able to find even a single beggar while travelling in Kerala in train. With all due respect sir, on hearing this person’s sound, I really feel like slapping this person and hitting you! Right on the nose! I would hit you on your nose so hard, that you would look like Voldermort!

Have you seen any corpse on the railway track? Such an incident happened to me once! Just before reaching my target place, the train stopped with a screeching noise! Everyone was totally taken aback by the way train stopped! Again the Greek goddess and geek god were sitting opposite me. (God! Why is it that this girl is near me when there is always some fuss?) I kept looking at her and drooled, while few people in a bunch of five were carrying something and placed it on the platform near me. I remember seeing a body without head and legs. That is all I remember! The next thing I remember is the geek god shaking me and sprinkling water on me! He told me next day that I came down on my knees from the seat and he thought that I was searching for something! (Come on man! For 5 minutes without moving?) I gave him a fake smile and looked at the Goddess! She was laughing at me as if she was seeing stand-alone comedy show or something!

I always wonder why there is a need for ladies’ compartment in trains. I mean, we people like to enjoy seeing the ladies and few more Goddesses. Jokes apart, the ladies compartment is like fixing target for all the atrocities to be aimed at! In past few months many women’s life were taken by people, as reported by mass-media! We need to remember that only a few are being reported whereas many go un-noticed. There are few attention-seekers who purposefully create such instances and go gaga on the Media cameras! I don’t dedicate this post to such people (though it doesn’t make much difference to their lives!)

May God in the form of humanity, save the family members of the victims of such unfortunate instances!

My chat with Mr. Facebook

Last day I had a small chat with Mr. Facebook. Not that founder Mark Zuckerberg you Zucker from the burrow! But the “Real-virtual” Facebook! My imaginative hallucination by the way, which goes as follows:-

Knock! Knock! (www.facebook.com)!

FB: - Yes who’s it? (Login ID & Password)

Me: - Login ID subru555@gmail.com

Password ***********

FB: - Welcome V Subramanian Venkedeswara Iyer!

Me: - Hey come on man! You would choke yourselves to death uttering my name! My name is “Subramanian V”. I was happy you asked my email ID, first name, last name, middle name, second name and nth name when we met the first time. But you made it too long. I have asked you many times to change my name to Subramanian V and you have asked for 24 hours’ time, MANY TIMES in last one and a half years. Orkut appears to be pretty descent in this case.

FB: - Old habits die hard dude! Why don’t you go to Orkut then?

Me: - Well you sound like me as a bank employee! You know pretty well that I am addicted to you right? Okay! Skip it! Gimme the pending notifications!

FB: - (Flips through various covers like a post-man!) Well… Mr. X wants be your friend aaaanddd…

Me: - Wait a minute! What do you mean by saying he wanna be my friend? He is already my friend! You need to change it to-“Mr. X says he is your friend! Accept or Decline?”

FB: - Duh! Should I necessarily answer that?

Me: - I Know you are belligerent! Continue you Jack ass!

FB: - And Ms. Gorgeous poked you!

Me: - Wow man! That sounds erotic!

FB: - ??

Me: - Nothing I have told her number of times not to poke me in front of you! It is supposed to be our private “thing” right? Wow! She poked me again? “Poke! Poke!” You know what? This word should be used as a deceptive word of using the “F” word in FB right? Like “Poke off!” “Pokeyaaaa!” “You’re poking irritating!” POKE! POKE! POKE!

FB: - Will you “Poking” stop that?

Me: - Hey when talking about poke, I should say there should have been a Puke option in FB. It could be used for dislike option. Like Mr. So & so puked on your wall! Mr. Tom puked on your wall photo. Mr. Dick puked on your comment. Mr. Harry puked on YOU!

FB: - Guess what, Mr. Someone wrote on your wall 9 hours ago!

Me: - Yeah, the paint on the wall would have dried by now! Writing on someone’s wall always sounds funny! I used to make score-board with the tender-most, undeveloped coconut on walls while waiting for my turn to bat in cricket. (Hope none of my neighbours are listening this conversation!) One day my mom saw me doing this and scolded me like hell for doing it, as the writings & Drawings on the wall created a nice blotch. The scolding killed my creativity. I always wanted to tell-“Come on Ma! I was a small kid whose brain was undeveloped like that coconut!”

FB: - Dude! You know what? Your brain is still like that of an undeveloped coconut. PHYSICALLY & MENTALLY!

Me: - POKE you! It is now a trend to write on the wall right? It could happen only in the virtual world, if I wrote on someone’s wall in real-life, like I did in FB, I would have been dead by now!

FB: - Shall I tell something, some people really feel like killing you even with what you do on Facebook. Now look! Mr. Selfish shared something.

Me: - That selfish β@$ŧ@®ɖ never shared anything in college with anyone. Books, Money, liquor, Bed (Oops!), for matter of fact even knowledge! Now it is free of cost and effortless sharing for him and he is sharing useless stupid car crashing videos? Can you give me some useful notifications?

FB: - Yeah Mr. Farmer sent you a Farmville request!

Me: - Do you ever listen to me at all? AT ALL? I said useful notifications! What is the use of farming in virtual world on top of someone’s house? I hate virtual games! And I heard you are going to add Angry Birds to you?

FB: - Well it is there in consideration I guess!

Me: - Man it sounds like keeping a condom vending machine inside a prostitute’s house!

FB: - WTF?

Me: - Yeah man! FB is pretty addictive! Angry Birds also too addictive! I guess someone will have to open de-addiction centers to make some people normal!

FB: - Dude! It is business!

Me: - Business? Do you know what the angry birds do? They destroy the walls to kill the dirty looking, dirty whining, green coloured Pigs! There would be no walls to write or comment on! You will be totally POKED up! The funniest part is that how much ever lovely these birds become, they don’t become love-birds, and they still would be angry birds!

FB: - Dude it is just a proposal!

Me: - Yeah I’m just warning!

FB: - Hey what’s in your mind?

Me: - I don’t know why you ask me this question?

FB: - Why? What happened?

Me: - I can’t tell you what is in my mind! Do you think I can blurt out whatever is there in my mind? People will call me pervert dude!

FB: - Ha ha

Me: - Have you seen the movie matrix?

FB: - Yeah! I have got access to you-tube. I have seen!

Me: - I always wonder, just like what happens in that movie, what if one day Morpheus turns up in front of me and tells-“Mr. “Neo”-manian whatever that seems to be real life is all illusion! The real life is FACEBOOK!”

FB: - That is what the truth is!

Me: - What? Don’t tell me you are Morpheus!

FB: - What if I am?

Me: - Stop it! That sounds weird & Scary! Sorry I started this topic!

FB: - Ha! Ha!

Me: - Don’t laugh like that you junk-head! Got to go now! Bye!

LOGGED OUT!