Nostalgia from Doordarshan

“What if Doordarshan was the only channel in TV? They used to put one movie every Sunday. Before the picture the used to show one animation, where an orb gradually becomes DD’s logo. I used to be very depressed by the tune which the animation accompanies. Holidays are over! School starts! I am feeling the same now!”

These aren’t my words. It’s a mere copy-paste of dialogue in the movie-“Zindagi na milegi dobara”. After seeing the movie (which I loved by the way!) I too was depressed that my student’s life is almost over and I have started working. As sung by Bryan Adams, “Those were the best days of my life!” the only difference being that mine was “summer of 99!” (Well there used to be many summers which are remarkable!) School days were fun with lot of time for self, the time during which cable TV was absent. Only a few good programmes to which people get stuck on to! It creates a mood of nostalgia thinking about few programmes which friends used to discuss in the lunch break on school days. The dialogue in the movie in fact forced me to think about those few good programmes…

Aladdin: -

Arabian naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyytzzzzzzzzzzz……… The song really reminded me about the “deserty” Arabia (well I have never been to Arabia, but reminded me of Arabia which I have seen in TV and photos)! The Walt Disney cartoon which really used to pin me to the seat with the adventures of Aladdin. Genie with all the gestures had made me laugh and had definitely been a part in me. (No! I don’t do any magic. Genie is in me only in the gestures’ department), along with Abu & Iago. An interesting character was the carpet which cannot talk but communicate well in spite of being a non-living thing. And Jasmine the princess was B.E.A.Youtiful (courtesy: Bruce almighty).

Alif Laila: -

“Zindbad the sailor ek jahaas mein jab chala” Err! That is not the title song. I don’t remember the lyrics, so I beg your pardon. It was like-“Alif Laila! Alif Laila! Alif La-a-a-a-a—yilaaaaa! Alif laaaaaaaaaaaillllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (Last line in high pitch)” Oh shit I lost the matter! This was a series which was telecasted at night. During those days, I haven’t seen such beautiful graphics! Especially the one with Zindbad, Ali-Baba & Aladdin, being the most prominent stories.

All the best: - A programme in DD Metro on Sundays. Used to play latest bollywood songs & albums then. The thing which I loved was that the songs were played fully. (I remember fighting with mother to watch this programme because its timing was bit late according to her, and next day I had to go to school and she wanted to make sure I don’t get up late). Later on, they gave up the habit of playing the songs fully.

Appooppanthaadi: -

The Malayalam serial exclusively for kids. The title means “Grandpa’s Beard”. Sounds awkward when translated into English, I know. This was the first time I saw what morphing was! (Not morphine!) The highlight of this serial was a goggle with an Aero plane on the nose. It was owned by couple of kids. When this goggle was worn, one could see the exact character of any person. Some would turn in to Lion, some into jackals, some into rabbits (Psss…. This is where morphing used to come in!).

Chandrakantha:

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I used to watch this serial on weekends even though I don’t understand a word. Normally itself I was week in Hindi (Now I have improved! I know few cuss words and can count up to 16 in Hindi, plus I can understand bollywood movies!), whereas this was a story from history when English was not used. So the language was pure Hindi…. Wow! That is a double impact. As told through a Malayalam proverb, it was just like a blind seeing Kadhakali! So the question here is why I used to see the serial. Simple! To see Kroor Singh and hear his “Yakku!” He is the only character I remember in that serial. I do remember others’ faces, but the name! I used to tap my right and fingers on the left hand fist and tell “Yyyyyyakkkkkkkoooooooooooooo!”

Disney Hour & Disney world: -

These were two programmes which used to be divided into 3 sessions each. These were the programmes where I started knowing Donald Duck, Goofy (remember his giggle-Ahhyooo Ahhyooo!) Mickey Mouse (he calling his dog-blooooootoooo! in a female voice), Minnie Mouse and Pluto (who used to clean his teeth and make them shine for a female dog of a dash hunt breed I guess, and the female dog looked like a suspension bridge!) Too much of imaginations were there in the programmes

Duck tales: -

The very rich Uncle Scrooge McDuck and the very naughty, tiny nephew pests. The main character, the uncle used to find way to increase his wealth (by the way he used to keep a coin with him which was considered the source of luck of all his wealth!), whereas few villains try to rob him and he protects his wealth. I remember one episode in which Uncle Scrooge was Columbus, who goes in search of India, finds, West Indies as well as Spain and when realizing the mistake declares-“This is India and I name it Spain!”

Ek se badkar ek: -

As far as I can remember, this was the first top ten count-down show in Indian television history. The top-ten bollywood songs were listed. And it was a serial combined with top-ten. A story ran parallel with the top-ten. If you have seen this program, you would very well remember the dialogue-“Aaw Maaw Chaaw!” this was the programme through which I understood that there was an art form called “Albums”. The first album I saw was “Made in India” by Alisha & then “Bolo Tararara” by Dhaler Mehandi But I still wonder how they rated them, because no online poll or SMS poll were available at that time. And for 6 months the song-“Pardesi” from the movie “Raja Hindustani” was there in top-ten. I hated that female voice after 4 months.

ETTAK: -

Expedition to the Animal Kingdom, or ETTAK I used to tell, used to give courtesy to some foreign channel and was telecasted every day morning. Hmmm well, it was same as that of programmes shown in Animal Planet.

Green Teen Quiz: -

This was quite an informative programme. I used to wait for this program which was in DD2 (or DD Metro?) at 7.30 PM. This was a quiz hosted by Barry O’Brien, for school students. I don’t know if the quiz master is relative of Mr. Derek O’Brien which conducts the Bournvita Quiz!

Jungle book: -

Rudyard Kipling was one of the foreign writers who were closely associated with India. And his work Jungle Book reveals it. I haven’t read the book so far, but Great Walt Disney helped me with a cartoon series which was telecasted by Doordarshan. The title song, both in Hindi and Malayalam were popular those days. I used to love Wednesdays because Wednesdays meant Cartoons for me, out of which one was Jungle Book. Wednesday evening 6 O Clock, in regional language! The numbers of characters were really epical. Mowgli, his siblings-Akru & Sura and their mom, the wolves’ leader Akela, sweet panda-Kitchi, the blackie Bageera, Bhaalu the bear, Kaa the snake, Thabaaki the timid helper of villain, the mighty Sher Khan. The BGM when Sher Khan arrived was royal, am in search of that ring tone in factL.

Little mermaid: -

I remember it well; it was telecasted in DD, on Tuesday evenings. The story of Underworld…. Oops! Water world! A king, a beautiful princess & her friends-Sebastian the crab & Flounder the fish. I always used to think who could do the roles if it was made into a bollywood movie. Well, now the casting could be done like this- Amitabh Bacchan (The sea king), Aiswarya Rai Bacchan (The princess; I don’t like Ms Bacchan, still….), Johny Lever (Sebastian the crab) and I still have a doubt if flounder the fish is male or female (So the role goes to SRK or Karan Johar!)

Mahabharath: -

I don’t remember much of this series, because I was just 3.5 years old at that time. But I do remember “Yadha Yadha hi dharmassya!” this is from where I learnt two lines from Bhagavad-Gita for the first time. I have heard people telling that old people used to do prayers and pooja in front of TV on Sundays (Yeah Yeah I am exaggerating!). My mom says that I never allowed her to watch that programme because by the time I hear the conch sound in the title song, I would start screaming! And who could forget great Mr. Nitish Bharadwaj who was Krishna in the series?

Shakthimaan: -

Sorry Shakthimaan! I am sorry to tell this. I used to hate this programme! For first few episodes I used to enjoy, but it became repetitive with all the Acid rain, Villains saying-“Andhera gaayam rahein!” Still, I used to see it. I had no other option because cable TV was far a luxury. I liked Mukesh Khanna who did a magnificent role as Bheeshma in Mahabharata. Even though comical and people used to make fun, Shakthiman managed to make an impact being the first super hero (as far as my knowledge is concerned!)

Surabhi: -

Every Sunday at 9PM; (hope I got the time right!), we (me & my family) used to be in front of TV for sure. We would wait for one graphic video where a maze reminding “Jantar Mantar” would appear, entering on which various snaps would appear those which remind anyone-“India”. In the end the logo of the programme would come which I used to call “Mysore Sandal Soap” because it looks the same. This was one good informative programme the stars of which were “Mr. Siddharth Kak & Ms. Renuka Shahane used to think that they were married couple! Well, the episodes used to feed people with good amount of knowledge, showed variety of places, variety of people. I do remember me beaming when they telecasted one feature on Kerala. Was feeling so happy. It’s not that I did not or do not like other states or languages, just an “am happy am home” feeling.

TaleSpin: -

animation story of Baloo (Same Baloo from jungle book), Louis the bar owner and Sher Khan the business Tycoon. Baloo used to be a pilot of Plane, the name of which was like that of some birds (I don’t remember the name of the plane & the city in which the stories used to happen!)

Tehkikaath: -

“Tehkikaaaaaaaaaaaaaaath, ye hain tehakeeeekaaaaaaaaaaaaaath!!!!” For me this was Indian Sherlock Holmes Story at that time. I am sorry if you are a Sherlock Holmes Fan! I haven’t read any Sherlock Holmes story except, “The Hound of Baskervilles”. He was Inspector Sam De Silva who used to keep me on tip of chair with the help of his assistant-Gopi, who used to eat a lollypop always! (In fact the stories used to keep me on the chair-tip). Two stories which I would never forget were that of a woman named Neha waking up from sleep exactly at 3 AM and cutting ladies’ finger and that of one John Pereira who scares a housewife by coming out of a bath tub. Both these episodes have managed to send chill through my spine.

Yug: -

Yug was a serial which I used to see only during my vacation time & exam time. The prime reason was the time. Every weekday at 3.00PM. It was about the freedom struggle of India. It used to inspire me a lot, especially the title song-“Yug Badla Hindustan!”

There were few other series like “Shanti” (which shot Ms. Mandira Bedi into fame) which was aired on week day at 2 PM. Then a series called “Farz”, “Om Namah Shivaya”, “Sri Krishna”, “Jai Hanuman”, “Raja aur rancho”, “Chithrahaar, “Rangoli” and “Pingu” the penguin. Then there used to be an interesting programme named-“The turning point” anchored by Mr.Girish Karnad!

When it comes to Malayalam, there were many programmes like Chithrageetham, Thiranottam, Oru Kudayum Kunjupengalum, Arabi kadalinte Rani, Shasthra Kauthukam!

I know there are a few more to list out!

Of course above all these programmes, there were few advertisements which are there in our minds. Especially, the ones like

Bajaj: - “Yeh zameen ye aasmaan…..”

Complan:- “But am growing mommy!” and “I am complan girl, I am a complan boy!”

Lichad Pappad: - A big rabbit used to be present in this ad and in a nasal sound, it used to tell- “Hmmmmm! Lichad Pappad!”

Rasna: - with the tagline-“I Love you Rasna!”

Vicco: - “Vicco turmeric, Ayur-cosmetic….” & “Vicco Vajradanthi!”

Plus, there were many time fillers like “Mile sur mera tumhara”, “Bhaje Sargam” “Ek Chidiya” & “Hum honge kaamyaab!”

These time-fillers weren’t mere fillers, but also conveyed some messages regarding “Unity in Diversity”. It does sound like a cliché; still on hearing takes us 15-20 years back….

CUSTOMERS!!!

Anticipatory Bail: - This post can be read by anyone who has got a small banking experience as a customer as well as a banker. This is only from the point of view of “banker in me” and based on my banking experience. I maybe wrong for the reason that i have very low experience in hand. But still, based on by observation I have categorized the customers as follows:

(That sounded like the beginning of a bull-shitty answer of essay question bombarded with stories being attempted by a management student in his/her exam right? Kya karoon? Old habits die hard. I remember one of the comments I received on my answer sheet-“Highly inflammable”.)

01.    I am/was also a banker

There are few people who react with a “See, I was also a banker!” kind of attitude when I explain my difficulty in rendering any particular banking service.

So what! What if you are, were or will be a banker? If you are/ were one, you could be empathetic dude! Step into my shoes, and don’t create pain by stepping on it! You would/should know the problems we bankers are facing inside the counter! (Which we inform our customers as “technical difficulties” and this term really help if the customer doesn’t know much English!)

These guys think to be smart. Remember they only think they’re smart and trouble-making part is that they don’t act like one! These guys lack patience and ultimately end up in increasing my BP and making me a patient!

02.    You weren’t even born when I joined/started my account in this bank

The people who are “bit” aged. They are those who show an attitude that-“Hey young fella! Do you know who I am? Do you know my experience and exposure? Do you know that you weren’t even born when i started my account in this bank? My account number and passbook are older than you! My banking experience is of your age dude!”

So, what is your point dear customer? Are you complaining about your age? That’s the result of the fault or series of faults made by your parents and not any of my “technical difficulties”! Why are you showing the irritation on me? Or is it that you wanna show that you are aged? Then why do you dye your hair?

03.    I only believe/I will only contact the manager

If you want pain in all the sacred parts of your body, meet these people. They believe they are the most important customers of the bank. For balance enquiry over the phone too, they need managers! I wouldn’t completely blame the customers for that. To some extent managers become the damagers.

They will also try screwing you if you mess with them by directly running into manager’s cabin to raise the complaint.

For instance, he will come & ask you the account balance. You reply. He immediately goes to the manager. Manager, lazy to log-in calls you and ask you the balance. You will again have to tell the account balance to the customer. It’s sooooooooooooo irritating. Because you have to tell him twice and he behaves as if you have no credibility! And he never observes that the manager gets his balance and other account details from you. It is a vicious cycle.

04.    I want change or drunken monkeys

No! It’s not the change from daily routine he asks for. But change for cash. He’ll come after office hours, once the cash is closed and asks for change. He’ll most probably in “drunken monkey” style where you could smell booze 100 yards away. He’ll give you 100 rupee note for change. You’ll check your wallet for change and disappoint him by returning him the note. He’ll be adamant that he’ll leave the place only after receiving the change because you assured him that you’ll get him change just by taking the currency note from him.

When talking about drunken people, you may have to face a person who seeks help from you for withdrawal of money from his account with XYZ bank, whereas you work for ABC bank!

05.    NRIs educated

Such cases are cake-walk provided they receive all the services well. Also, make sure you reply to their mails properly. And most of them are sensible enough to understand what you say. Still, when on a face-to-face with him, it is too hard for him to avoid his sarcasm on Indians as if we the people living in India are nowhere near to what other people are. (These are only exceptional cases. Everyone is not so!). They regularly complain about the temperature, climate, and cleanliness on a regular basis (as if a doctor has prescribed them to do so once after breakfast, lunch & dinner). They pronounce the letter-“Z” quite differently from that of normal Indians. We are taught to pronounce it as “ISSAID” where as the actual pronunciation is “ZEE” and sorry that the latter is the right one.

06.    NRIs illiterate/uneducated

They are really interesting! You can identify them by the smell of “Air freshener”. Yeah they’ll smell of room freshener when they are 50 metres away from you. I always wonder if they purposefully spray half bottle of these stuffs on them or if it happens because of the reason they can’t read/understand what’s written on the bottle. Uneducated NRIs can easily be identified by their “English” if one comes and ask-“I need to open and NRE account and I need internet banking.” Then the bank employee after receiving all the required documents, photographs and forms will ask-“Sir, can i have your email ID.”.

The NRI as if the employee had asked for his property –“You wanna have my what?”

Bank Employee    -           Email ID sir!

NRI                      -           Sorry I don’t have that and have never had any email service.

BE (in his mind)   -           I never asked if you ever have had any surgery for piles dude because your face says so! How the hell you’re gonna use the Net-Banking facility then?

Plus these guys always give something to remember and laugh about. And i did tell about their English right? One incident happened last week. We have installed a new music system in our branch through which soft instrumental music flow. So, one NRI approached us to open one account and I saw that he was enjoying the music. I gave him a smile. Suddenly he started talking to me and was too garrulous about music and remarked that the music “Calmified” and quieted him.

“Calmified? Dude is it the word ‘calmed’ which you meant? If a pure malayalee hears this word he/she would feel you are being sexually harassed!”

Another instance happened during the last IPL season in which Kochi team did the debut (and I think that’s the only season they play). One NRI wanted to get tickets for the match and asked if it was available at our branch. And on disappointing him he told he’ll get it from their sponsoring bank in which he’s having another account. Next week he returned with his son and told us in ‘pure English’-“Hey! I got the tickets and have watched the match live at the stadium too. And guess what! I and Vinu (his son’s name!) got our balls signed by cricketers!”

The customer was telling the truth and he and his son showed their balls to me. They really look soft and moreover, cool with the signature on them. I mean the tennis balls which they use to play cricket indoors! I had no other option but to laugh my heart out and couldn’t control it.

And another time, Vinu who got his balls signed visited our branch with his mom who didn’t have a ball to get it signed. At that point of time, the song from Guru-barso re was being played. In between a line comes-“Nannaare nannaare!” and after listening to it, that son of gun started singing-“Nannaari! Nannaari! Nannaari! Sarbathe!” Don’t know how, being an NRI completely born and brought up outside India, he knows about “Nannaari Sarbath (Rooh Afza in Hindi), but loved his imagination if he purposefully cooked it up.

These people, whether or not they have matriculation certificate, do have a passport and visa! Such people should be Non-Returning Indians (Courtesy: Movie Swadesh) rather than Non-resident Indians.

07. I don’t have passbook, account statement, ATM card, cheque book, don’t remember the account number

These people fixate on few particular words & sentence the starting of which would be like-“I wanna withdraw money” as if he has been stoned.

Banker                  -           Sir! Your account number please!

Customer              -           I don’t know!

B                          -           Passbook?

C                          -           I forgot to bring it!

B                          -           Cheque book?

C                          -           It got drenched and apparently it was torn (and gives a wry smile!)

B                          -           ATM card sir?

C                          -           My son broke it

B (in mind)           -           Oh next time feed your dog, the plastic card.

B                          -           Your name sir?

C                          -           Mr. So & so. (Thank god! He could remember his name! He’s not drunk)

C                          -           How many questions you would ask a “good” customer like me for a single withdrawal?

B (in his mind)     -           You !@$%^&*()! How many questions will you make a “good banker” like me ask for a single withdrawal?

08.    “I’ll put money, withdraw, withdraw, withdraw, withdraw, withdraw, withdraw,& update the passbook after months”

Welcome to the world of real exercise! And it means exercise if they have passbooks which are to be updated by writing. People put money, withdraw now and then from ATM and every other possible source, then bring the passbook after years to update them and wouldn’t leave till they get it updated. They never harm your business, neither do they boost!

09.    One who thinks he/she is smart and is smart

A tough nut to crack because he thinks he’s smart, he actually is smart and you are not! He bullies you with all sorts of sensible doubts which you would be unable to answer.

10.    One who thinks he/she is smart but is not

Again a tough nut to crack because he thinks he’s smart, he actually is not and you also are not! He bullies you with all sorts of “nonsensible” doubts which you would be unable to answer.

11.    Pleasant.

You can very well assist them with a smiley face. Not a fake one! They quite understand you well and communication is always easy with them. They teem with patience and you would definitely feel bad if you make them wait!

Coconut shell, Bomb shell, Aluminium shell- All in a nutshell

“In the exam I was asked the past tense of think... I thought... thought... thought.... Didn’t get the answer and wrote the answer-“THONK”
Courtesy: Tintumon

There is a Tintumon in every mallu! Else these jokes wouldn’t have been soooooooooo famous... Who knows if people are using poor Tintu for all teasers that happened in their life?

So on to blogosphere after months...
Phew! What a beautiful day it was! Hope I have more on or hope I am moron!... The day started with a bang! Woke up seeing most beautiful dream one could ever have. There was a beautiful girl lying on a bed... She was shedding tears... And suddenly I realize that she’s one of my good friends’ spouse. I start consoling him. NO! Not for having a beautiful wife... but for the fact that she had had an abortion for which she is crying!

Don’t laugh! It’s not at all funny. You won’t feel bAD, sAD or glAD to be woken up by such a dream! It is awkward! $h!t... It should have been awkwAD! It would have turned out to be a nice rhyme!. So I woke up seeing this awkward dream... It took me 5 minutes to come out of the shock.... Yeah! Yeah! It is a real shocker! I started my routine by brushing my teeth Yup I do have that good habit! Move on you jerk.... it is an old joke! By that time the junk food stuff which I ate was doing its job inside my belly...I hardly heard what the waiter told its name was... It sounded like Cheese Bilitha-bilitha brilllllll..... Even the dirrrra njack-njack sound made by the shepherds in India to guide the cattle sounds better! I don’t know why that stuff tasted paint. And I really have a doubt if it contained coconut shell... I was finding it really tough to empty my belly in spite of having tendency to... Who knows if the coconut shell got stuck somewhere in the digestive system... I ultimately had to give up the “effort” and went downstairs to have a cup of coffee! It may help! But not definitely today!

I then went out to clean my two-wheeler... The sky has been white by that time... The sun was beaming from the east while the Sodium vapour lamp from the west. I went out to switch off the lamp and walked towards the pole. In residential areas which are in interiors of corporation or municipalities the citizens are EB workers in certain instances like these! The residents either have to pluck the fuse or have to switch the light off, provided it has got a switch. I was there at the pole and saw a beautiful sight. Not the beautiful sight which I saw in dream. One good German shepherd was staring at me. And it was let loose and unfortunately I didn’t see any grill or gate in between us. I stood there for five seconds as if I was practicing for tableau in which I was going to represent the statue of liberty. Regaining my sense, I turned and bilchick-clichik! There were two paws on my chest, on which the whole weight of dog was concentrated at, pushed me back two feet. He was restless and was climbing further. God! I appeared like a ladder to this K9! Yup the same one which helps you to move from 11 to 34 in “snake & ladder”, the smallest one considering my height. The mouth of that doggy was reaching the middle of chest. Thank god I am not tall like the ladder which takes you from 23 to 89. Else the mouth would have been in some other “right” part. “Wrong” from my point of view. Finally the owner of the dog came out of his house taking the SOB away... Don’t stare! He really is an S-O-B... The owner asked if I was okay! I really wanted to raise my middle finger at him for letting the dog loose! But considering the good deed he did by taking his dog away I had to tell him thanks while wiping my sweat away. I also was considering the dog’s good deed of breaking the coconut shell which was stuck earlier in my digestive system. You should really give a try in case if you have got constipation.

So I was back to my routine after a bashing start! Got ready and rode the two-wheeler to Ernakulam station. On the way there were many potholes and a road is there which is named “Karshaka road” which means farmers’ road. Nice foresight of the ones who christened the road with such a name. It really looks like a ploughed land with potholes alone in big and small sizes. I like to add one “O” in between the word pothole. A smart mallu would know where to insert the vowel and what it means! Now, for the kind information of those practicing for reality singing shows, you should really practice riding on the road. Early morning, ride through this road, making the “AAAAAAAAAAA” sound. All the so called “Sangathikal” will flow into your throat. And it may also help to break the coconut shells (if any) stuck inside you.

Then I was inside the train which takes me daily to my work place except Sundays and public holidays by the way. I have a bad habit of reading books in the train. It is a bad habit the reason for which is gonna be told right now. Twenty minutes passed by and I lost my concentration on the book hearing a hissssssssssssssss which sounded like rattle snakes which Steve Irwin used to catch hold of in Discovery Channel and Animal Planet. The train had reached Edappilly station and unusually the train was outside the platform. The station has got two platforms and the train was not on the first, nor on the second, not even on those two tracks between these two platforms. It was on a track which was on the backside of second platform. Now only I realized that there was a railway track there and the hissing sound was that of the prairie brushing against the train compartments. If there was a foreigner from that station to board the train, I could have greeted him with-“Namaste! Welcome to India and congratulations for finding out the train. You can now have the value of the ticket you are holding” This station is in middle of city. The train doesn’t run on to right platform plus you have to board the train by finding it out in between the woods. He would never expect a jungle in middle of city.

Everyone was getting fussy about the train halting in middle of forest. By that time I was fussy about the person who was sitting opposite me. It was a girl who was really a bomb shell. This is why I called the book reading habit “BAAAAAAAAAAAD!” But she kept talking to a nerd who was sitting beside her. He was wearing a Soda glass which we mallus fondly call the spectacles with thick glass. I am unaware how it is called in other parts of the world. On seeing his face itself one could plot down his character. He is a person who reads all the gadget widget magazine, whose job when at home is only to sit in front of laptop/desktop, whose friends talk only about giga-hertz mega-hertz 3G loading stuff, one who frequently comments on all latest English release, one who doesn’t enjoy watching a 3D movie but thinks and browses how a 3D movie camera works. He is another moron in the making. They both reminded me of a Tamil flick which got released in 2009. The hero sees the heroine in the train and plays guitar. But the only similarities here were that the instance had a train and there was a couple. The dissimilarities being:-

Movie

1. The compartment is neat.
2. The compartment is sleeper class.
3. Both hero and heroine balance each other in their looks
4. Night time
5. Hero plays guitar and composes beautiful song.

Real life

1. The compartment is dirty like hell
2. The compartment is general as Indian railways doesn’t provide sleeper facility in passenger trains
3. Total injustice!!!
4. Day time
5. Hero knows how to assemble an electric guitar if you give him a broken one except that it would be difficult for him to position strings at right place. Music is not at all there in his blood.

Back to my beauty, she was kind of sexy, cute and sweet. Wait a minute! Sweet? How does one judge a person as “Sweet” or for the matter of fact “Hot”? I don’t wanna go further. The conclusion is that she was extremely beautiful girl who looked like a Greek Goddess but was with a scientist looking like a Geek God!

Again there was a fuss near the bathroom door. The problem was that a man sat on the sack of banana chips and slept off. The owner came to know and checked if the chips remained chips but ultimately it turned out to be fried banana powder. Maybe he should have written “handle with care”. I have now made a decision that I would never ever eat banana chips unless I see it getting fried and packed or it is made at home. I don’t wanna eat banana chips powdered and soaked in the water from railway bathroom!

I have got a friend who is a nice person from Andhra who is also working in the same industry as mine. I met him here near my workplace a month back. Today it was time to meet his friend who was also from his state. He introduced me to the new friend as “funny guy”! Can you believe it? Me? Funny? The dialogue which came to my mind was-“Dude! Be a man!” Don’t ask me why!

So i reached my workplace which is totally fussy for past one week which is supposed to be followed by shifting of the premise to new spacious one. Today there was some top executive’s visit to see the “progresses” of the work which was the reason for the fuss, which made the face of my boss look as if he has drunk appy fizz mixed with grappy fizz! Finally the executive came, the acronym of whose designation coincided with that of manufacturer of Ambassador Cars in India. Imagine one telling-“That person is GM!” and gets a response-“Oh General Motors is a person’s name? I thought it to be company!”


He was in charge of administration, and looked like that of Bheem in Mahabharata (the max size one could imagine). He was seeing the interior work, took a paper weight and hit the cash counter railings. “WTF!” He was recollecting the old chemistry lessons to identify metal I guess. Metals on being hit makes ringing sound, is highly ductile and can be moulded into any shape. The last one was proved by our Bheem today. The part of the railing which was hit reminded me that of the “fizzed” off boss’ face. You could add a cup of locally made vodka into that mixture if possible.

Now I heard Bheem declaring the fact that the work is of inferior quality and the counter was mere aluminium shell. “F***********k” (the same F***********k as in fast-track advertisement). Honourable Bheem and other pandavas themselves gave us sanction for the order and they themselves declare that the sanction they have given is bull-shit. We should have hit on his fore-head with paper weight to make him realize that he was much more inferior in quality than poor aluminium.

When I was thinking about poor aluminium, Bheem was calling me Subramanium! “I am Subramanian! And my name never rhymes with Aluminium and you are watching too much of recent advertisements!” was the thought that came into my head.

After all the fuss I was back at Kochi city where the traffic was a big hell. I wondered what it would be like if I got stuck in that traffic for my life-time. Thankfully, the coaching I received during my post-graduation has taught me to think positively. I started thinking positively. The signal came on and traffic started moving swift. When it was a green signal for me “Spurrrrrrrrrssssssssssshhhhhhhhhh! It started raining cats, dogs and every other possible pet animal in the world. See the power of positive thinking? The rain made me think so positive that I just imagined how it would have been if land of monsoons have not received rains for past 24 years! I would never have seen rain! But I had enough of positive thinking when I realized that the cell-phone was getting drenched in the pant pocket. Never could I pull two-wheeler aside and wear rain-coat while it is a signal! Thankfully nothing happened to the phone.

So when am typing this it is still raining outside... The thought of curling under the quilt makes me excited!

So, I think it is better I stop here.
Goodnight.

NB: Pssss! Am good at exaggeration!

A “U”-turn at the southern-most tip of India

This time i would like to post it like a travelogue. Yup! A time-bound travelogue! The journey goes as follows:-

16th April 2011: I started to Trivandrum from my workplace in northern-most part of Kochi-Angamaly in one of the boring trains-Venad. It travels 200 KM in 6 hours. Would you believe it??? 6 hours for 200 KM, stopping at each and every station, stopping and showing it benevolence to all those who are waiting for the train at so called stations (I tell you, in few places I didn’t see even platforms and those who got in, asked for lift and driver stopped I guess!). To add to its “speed” a person in the compartment got sick in between (cardiac arrest I guess), the passengers had to pull the chain, doctor, police & railway guard came. Once he was given primary medication, he wouldn’t mind to get off the train. The next thing I heard was the guard shouting- “GET OFF THE TRAIN YOU B@$!@#$%. I don’t want myself to be held responsible for your death!” My mind also shouted the same- “GET OFF THE TRAIN YOU B@$!@#$%” along with “AND F**K OFF TOO”. (Sorry, no offense meant on any sick person, but on his attitude!) The rest of the journey was peaceful and reached Trivandrum by 10.30. One of my friends came to pick me up. He forced me to stay at his house which was a score of Kilometres out of the city, but following my pressure he allowed me to take a room in a hotel and agreed to help me out. We reached a fairly descent hotel (from outside by the way!). On reaching the reception, the first words came in to my mind was- “God! This place is likely to be raided any second!” Yup you read it right. What I saw were few girls with shiny sarees, jasmine on their hair and paan in their mouth. (Psss....They were pro’s. Not professionals you dumbo! Prostitutes! Oh well professionals in this job i guess!). The man at the reception gave me a wicked smile, outside there was a Tata Sumo waiting with many “Ladies” and with their pimp-“Mr. Gentleman”. When I came to my senses I was the pillion rider of my friend’s bike. Then, we took another route and a room finally. My friend left after having a chat with me. And I slowly slept off.. Thus the day ends....

17th April 2011: early morning went to “Pazhavangadi” temple which was the prime reason i forced my friend for room in the city. The God-Mr.Ganesha is supposed to have immense power to remove obstacles i guess and i do strongly believe in Him.

Returned to room, vacated it and had breakfast at Thampanoor. Then, I took a pre-paid auto to Cotton-Hill school. (I know what you are thinking! What has school got to do with a travelogue right? Well what I have to tell you is-“READ FURTHER YOU DUMBO!!!”) So, I was there to write a test of ISRO. Thanks to my dear friend Jayakarishnan without whom I wouldn’t have known about this test and made this quick journey possible. The test came out to be very bad after which me and my friend parted. I went to another of my friend’s house where I had lunch. Then by around 3 I reached Thampanoor from where i took my bus to Kanyakumari. I wanted to see the sunset, but the bus driver made me use the “F” word very badly in my mind, n number of times. And in between the journey a down-pour came. I apologised to “Mr.Ganesh” (No! It’s not the driver’s name, I meant Lord Ganesha!)-for swearing and prayed to make the clouds disappear. I think He heard my prayer to some extent. On the way the places, though in the state of Tamilnadu resembles a lot of Kerala. The people also talk Tamil like the way I do-mixture of Malayalam and Tamil. Wait a minute! This place was a part of Kerala! You don’t know that story? Well here it is:-

Kerala had Kanyakumari with them while Tamilnadu had Palghat with them. They saw that Kanyakumari is attracting a lot of Tourists and is a huge income for Kerala state Government. So Tamilnadu forwarded a deal with Kerala to have Palghat and handover Kanyakumari to them. But why would Kerala listen. Tamilnadu had a few statistics which Kerala didn’t see

- Kerala already have Kumarakom, Alleppey, Thekkadi, Athirampilli and the list goes on... so why not hand over them Kanyakumari. Plus, Palghat has got Nelliyampathi, Silent valley, Malampuzha etc.

So, the scores are now in favour of Kerala right? Kerala-5 Tamilnadu-1

- Kerala loses all its timber, rubber, fishing, Triparappu falls etc

Score Kerala-5 Tamilnadu-6

- Tamilnadu losses all its paddy field and Tamil talking people in Palghat.

Score Kerala-10 Tamilnadu-6

- Kerala disagrees to give off Padmanabhapuram palace

Score Kerala-11 Tamilnadu-6

- Kerala creates a checkpost and sales tax check point at Walayar which ultimately turned out to be one of the sources of Income.

Score Kerala-20 Tamilnadu-6

- Tamilnadu loses all its AIDS patient of Palghat.

Score Kerala-20 Tamilnadu-10006!

Well, Tamilnadu already have Namakkal with them, they would not mind losing “few” AIDS patient.

By the time Kerala knew this, someone has already signed the trap (or Crap! whatever!). Now we can understand why Tamilnadu have an IIT as well as NIT there while we only have an NIT. (Wait, we have got IIM with us! F off! So what, we have already have given away Kanyakumari to them!)

So, jokes apart, I reached Kanyakumari, it was real joy to hear the roar of the sea. I tell you it is a real mix of geography. While facing the south, I was able to see clouds on my right i.e. west which made me unable to see the sunset. While on the left, i.e. on eastern side it was too clear with moon rising over the Vivekananda Rock. On seeing this, the song-“Pirappukkum Ella uyirukkum......... Uzhaithu vaazhvom!!!!” came on my lips (Yes the same Semmozhi song by ARR!) At that point of time I received call from friend at Trivandrum who wanted to know if I reached safe. Why? Only because it was raining there in Trivandrum. A few minutes later, I called my sister figure in Chennai and came to know that it was too hot there. The extremes were visible at Kanyakumari. After it got dark I entered the temple to see the “Amman” and her nose stud. Talking about the nose stud, there is a story behind the nose stud that ship used to wreck at Kanyakumari thinking it light house. (Even if it was a light house, which fools bring the ship so close to light house? No wonder they wrecked!)

So inside the temple I was keenly looking at the idol to see the stud, but I couldn’t. At that time I heard a lady on my left asking her Kid in Tamil-“Nikiiiii! Mookoothi paathaya, atho paaru!” (Meaning Nikiiiii! did you see the stud?) The kid replied-“Ahh! Yes!”

“What?” I asked me. I am sure that that kid doesn’t know even what a “Mookoothi” is. I felt like smacking that kid’s head and ask-“Unmai sollu! Mookkoothi paathaya?” (Tell the truth. Did you see the stud?) And the kid would cry. Just mere wish.

Same time the Malayalam version of the same happened on my right. “Da mone! Mookoothi kando?” Blah blah!

Sadly, I was not able to see the stud. The atmosphere is not filled with religious fervour but that of tourism. But the beauty of the Idol covers it. I came out and had my dinner.

Then, I took a bus to Marthandam. (See this is a place in Tamilnadu with name of King of Travancore-His Highness Marthanda Varma!). The lines of the song “Yen peru Meenakumaari, Yen ooru Kanyakumari” were on my lips. On the way I noticed a board of a hotel-“Anagha ‘Kudumba’ Hotel”.

“Kudumba hotel? They literally translated family hotel into Malayalam & Tamil. I was wondering what Family hotel means, maybe they serve only to families, or serve in a lot of families, or may serve food which help in creating family???? Still a mystery!!!!

I didn’t stay back, the reason for which will be told next day.

I took ‘A “U”-turn at the southern-most tip of India’

I took a room at Marthandam and slept nicely.

18th April, 2011: I woke up at 5, got ready by 6 and took a bus to Chitharaal Jain temple. This was the main reason for which I didn’t stay back at Kanyakumari. I had read that a bottle of water must be kept in stock as the Jain temple is up a small hill and no water is available there. Thank God I took one.

I was not able to see anyone climbing up, so asked an old lady if I could go there. She said I very well can. She asked if I am alone as if she was scared if I am going to commit suicide, out of love failure maybe? Why do people think, a man (sorry a Boy!) with improper shave has lost love and will commit suicide?

The moment I started climbing, the gravity started pulling me down. It’s just a small hill with about 15 minutes trekking. I reached top and the panoramic views were too good. My only disappointment was that I was the sole person on that hill. Yes not even a priest. I started feeling scary after spending around an hour on top. I took a few photographs, Climbed down and took a bus to Marthandam. I had my breakfast there. I took a bus to Trivandrum. Lunch with my friends and then came in train and now at home.

There ends the journey... Did I rush through the last part? “YAAAAAAAAWN! Am sleepy plus nothing exciting happened.......

Black and White

This time I would like to post about Communal malevolence-Black money…. I don’t know how many people read my post in Face book asking-“Why is it that people hesitate to pay taxes?”

After seeing the movie-“Sivaji”, I used to think if the amount of black money existing in the economy is as large as shown in it…. But its director has only shown a miniature part I guess…. I understand it so late… only after joining the bank…. After all it’s better to be late than never….

We the people who obtain petite (at least when compared to those who evade tax) salary through the salary pay slip are obliged to pay tax even without evading paisa & cents… whereas the officials for the sake of keeping the customer, retaining the customer, blow away all the rules & regulations into thin air, open deposits under different names, “binami” names, following no KYC norms….

Why does the same management persuade us to pay tax, while doesn’t give a damn about the big shot depositors? Pardon my language, the answer
is simple… “To save their asses!” …. They’ll be in trouble and will be penalized by Income Tax department if the employees don’t pay tax on time… while they will also be in bottomless snag if they don’t help the “blacks” to evade tax and account them under different names and eventually will be chucked out of the business.

I am not telling that we should not pay tax, because it is our duty to do so… It may be quite common that people evade tax, pay bribe, gelled along with corruption… but let us think for a while. It doesn’t mean that everyone is doing it so it’s right… We do have social responsibility… We ourselves are the root cause of corruption… We feed corruption… but the saddest part is that the same we complain about PWD works and slow development….

Do we have right to complain??? The time is there to think… The time is still there to correct…

Let’s Go!

I know this post is bit late… Still it definitely needs to be….

What a way to go was that of the CWG-2010? With Grandeur in opening, as if the CWG organizing committee was banging back at all the media which criticized them. Even the Indian Media as good as chameleon changing their status as and when they want…First booing the CWG Committee and after the success just glorifying them like anything

And the Indian Sportsperson really deserves a ovation for the show which has been put-up. Notably, the wrestlers and shooters. After all, we belong to the bequest of Mr. Bheem & Mr. Arjun…

Kalmadi and group were booed down by the audience at the time of closing ceremony. So, I think it was the Indian playing side which made India go proud.

Just Fighting, Living and Heading forward, the way A R Rahman sung…